Today, in the fictional universe of Dysthropic, meet JeanClaude, also known as Van Damme: the app for the Whisper, Ramble, Rant and Rumor model family.
Whisper 7.3 makes a small mistake. Ramble 9.1 explains it. Rant 12.8 defends it. Rumor 15.4 makes sure it reaches everyone. Higher version numbers. Lower standards.
There is no downloadable model or live inference service. This announcement is satire.